wakey wakey hands off snakey
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
