the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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