Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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