Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
