remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
