That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
