This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have already put on my inside pants.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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