Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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