Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize