I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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