Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
