She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize