He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
