whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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