I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
