i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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