Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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