Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
