a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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