if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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