Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
