Too much gin, very little bucket
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
