my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
