Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
