Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
