I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
