I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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