xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
