Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
