i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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