So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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