I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
