dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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