fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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