she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
