and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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