where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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