You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
