Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
