I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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