It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
