The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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