forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
