Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He better not be in your backpack
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
