You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
