He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
