You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
