Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
