the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
