And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
