Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
