Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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