im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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