So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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