Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
should my penis look like a turkey
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
