i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
