I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
