Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize