my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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