Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.

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(563): View more from Iowa

when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.

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(312): View more from Illinois

i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it

(917): View more from New York City

the suitcase or the dildo?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though

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(913): View more from Kansas

Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding

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(517): View more from Michigan

I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.

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(714): View more from California

that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.

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