Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
