put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
