I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
